Friday, January 30, 2009

Day 2 Report

The day 2 report is good ... and I got it after I sent an email apologizing for being a major pain in the ass last night. Yes, I know, that is why they are there (that is what the nurse said but really it is her job to say that) but I was so embarrassed to be so unprepared for this major event. GEEZ [hiding my face].

7 mature unfertilized (<--- not sure why they say this?) 5 fertilized as 1 cell 3 as 4 cell 1 as 3 cell 4 as 2 cell And I report for a 5 day transfer on Monday at 3:30. Sadly, VERY SADLY, hubby can't go to the transfer with me because he teaches a college class at 4:15 and he can't miss, they don't exactly have substitutes for that kind of thing. So I guess my mom will take me. She is dying to know what is going on but I haven't told her. Already yesterday she was calling, because she cares and is so excited, and I just didn't want to say how many had fertilized. I could tell she wanted to ask but held back. How MEAN am I? I just want to enjoy it for myself and with the internets for now. And even if she takes me Monday, I am not sure if I want to tell her how many. She has her hopes up so high it seems. I don't want to disappoint her. I am very excited!! Hubby is also very excited!! I just hope that this is successful. I won't say alot about it, but I feel pretty confident this time. I am not sure if that is good or bad or a total jinx. Good to be positive, but what if I TOTALLY can't handle it then if it doesn't happen? Are we setting ourselves up for major failure and meltdown if it doesn't work? Who knows I suppose. Who really knows. I am still bloated today and had killer gas at the top of my abdomen this morning when I got to work. And I did actually fit in my jeans, go figure. After a few antacids, which I don't even know if it is OK to take but I was in PAIN, I felt better. Unfortunately, today was "food day" at work so I ate only soup for lunch (and cornbread and a potato thingy). I really have grown to hate the food day once a month because I have NO will power whatsoever. I am sure none of that eating was good for me and then I drank ginger ale instead of Ga.tora.de all day. I did however have chicken for dinner so got some protein in there. And I am about to go chug the G.ator.ade. I am a bad patient, what can I say.

The only sad thing about the timing of the 5 day transfer is I don't get to hear about the embies over the weekend :-( I hope they are growing and behaving and are cozy over the next few days. The IVF instructions SAY we will be contacted everyday, but I am not so sure if that applies to the weekends. Hmpf. I just want to know what they are up to before I go in blind on Monday.

And THEN the hell of the 2WW. I need to make a LONG list of things to do. Luckily, the last weekend we will be out of town. That weekend will require a whole other post because I do have alot to say about it for several reasons. I guess apparently today I have alot to say about everythings since this is so long. Thanks to anyone who got this far. Have a wonderful weekend!! And for everyone on stims or with embies growing, good luck to you !!! And everyone who is waiting to start, good luck to you too!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Deep Breath

There was panic and hysterical crying but now everything is OK.

I am supposed to be a pro at this right, with round number 2 and all? But tonight I was getting my PIO stuff together to take to my friend's house and discovered that my PIO was EXPIRED. AND the top of the vial that has the rubbery stuff, latex maybe?, had become all deformed and expanded so that it looked like there was something floating or coagulated in the oil.

I had 2 things of it left from my last IVF, but that was over a year ago. I had asked the nurse about using the leftover and she said fine as long as it hadn't been used before. But she probably didn't realize how long ago it had been. The vial is inside a regular prescription bottle that has "Use By _____" but there was no date listed so I thought I was good to go. But, when I took the bottle out it said Exp: 3/18/08. Lesson learned.

Proceed to freak out.

So I called the L&D and asked for a resident which is what I was told to do if I had any problems. I explained the situation, of course not without breaking out into tears. I had pro.metriu.m and I was wondering if that would be OK to take for tonight instead. The resident had no clue (said something about not being a pharmacist so she didn't know) so I hung up. So at this point my husband is kinda mad at me (and rightly so if you ask me, because not only am I an idiot sometimes but the whole reason I didn't order more is because I was trying to be CHEAP). So I decided to call back and request my RE to be paged and call me. The nurses were like, I don't know if we can do that. But that is exactly what my ER nurse had told me to do if I had any problems. She probably meant OHSS probs, but I was in a panic and really thought this was important. They just said, we'll see if we can get him but didn't say for sure that anyone would call back at all. I can understand not wanting to call him, but OMG PANIC on my part.

So I called a W.algre.en's and talked to a pharmacist to see if they have PIO or if they knew the difference between taking PIO and the pr.ometr.ium and he wasn't sure either except that they are ingested differently and at different rates. He said their 24 hour one may have it and at that moment L&D was calling me back. It was the same resident I talked to earlier and first she had called all the local pharmacy's (2 hours from where I live, but still I would have driven there) and they didn't have any. So then she was able to get in touch with Dr. W and he said it was no big deal, in the grand scheme of things it would be fine. Just call the RE nurse tomorrow to get it settled and don't take the pro.metriu.m.

So at this point I am relieved but I just sit on the bed hysterically crying, and panting and heaving and my husband is all WHAT IS HAPPENING. By this point he is no longer mad, just concerned and I could only barely sob to him what the doctor said.

But we both thought why not call the 24 hour Wal.gre.en's just in case they have it. So I called and they DID have it. So then, after I had stopped crying and had gathered myself together, I had to bother the poor resident again to please call in the prescription. She was very nice and did so because I am sure she was like someone help me, please don't let this crazy lady call me back!!

So then I picked up the PIO and went and got my shot at my friends house. And I must say I am very lucky to have this friend willing to look at my butt. And she is SO GOOD. It doesn't even hurt. It might be sore later, but seriously, I barely feel the actual shot.

One plus... apparently crying hysterically is good for bloat and air in the tummy, because I actually feel better now than I did before. But now things are fine and seem right with the world. No ice storm or stupidness on my part is going to stop me from getting prego!!

Drum Roll

The nurse emailed me this morning. She said there were actually 43 (HOLY GOD really? I have never heard of that many either. I feel like a freak, but I guess in a good way). But then 23 were immature or atretic* so that left us 20 mature. Not too shabby, still very pleased. Of the 20, then 11 fertilized. And they didn't tell me my E2 but I would be interested to know what it was/is. I know the embryologist said my E2 looked good before the retrieval but that is all I know. I didn't think to ask.

At first I was kinda wanting to be upset about the fert rate, but then I realized I was just being GREEDY since I can't have 20 kids anyway! The nurse said it was "very nice" and I agree. Also, they decided not to do ICSI for some reason so those all fertilized by just letting the "sperm pick" as the nurse put it. I just pray that not too many fall off in the next five days. They haven't said if we will do a 3 day or 5 day transfer yet, but we are really hoping for a 5 day blast transfer if at all possible. And possibly at least a few to freeze in case we have to try again. I guess tomorrow we will see how they are all doing.

They also don't grade the embryos so I don't have any exciting things to say about the 11. I am actually fine with that though. In my mind they are all equal then! Any one of them could be the ONE (or two or three, SEE VERY GREEDY suddenly, I am sorry, please everyone forgive me).

As for how I feel now... well very, very sore. And the doc gave me vic.od.in and yesterday it seemed fine to take them because I could sleep. But today I went to work and OMG the loopiness and I just took ONE. Plus I think they were making me nauseous. But after a hour or so I felt better. I just feel really bloated and have alot of gas that I feel is trapped and it won't come out. Also, the ole ovaries do hurt when I walk but it has gotten better throughout the day. And I only took that one pain pill at 8:3o and haven't had any since. Finding an outfit to wear to work was interesting to say the least. And tomorrow we can wear jeans and that just makes me LAUGH at this point. Not sure what to do. Maybe I can go to Target and get some really stretchy tights or leggings or thigh high hose so I could wear a flowy dress without freezing my buns off. (well you know freezing for TX weather, what 50 degrees? Yep)

I am concerned about OHSS. I am drinking lots of Gatorade and water and eating salty food. Thanks everyone for those suggestions because I didn't know to do any of that before! I have been peeing every 5 minutes it seems which I am guessing is a good thing so far. But I haven't had very much protein today though which I know I need. (I had a big ole steak last night ;-)) I do have peanut butter so I will probably have a snack of that soon. They gave me a list of things to look for and while I do feel really full and bloated, I think I am doing OK so far. I am crossing my fingers anyway. How long until I am out of the woods though? Anyone know?

Overall I am just trying not to stress and trying to be patient. I am doing OK so far, but I don't know how long it will last. And tonight, my first PIO. Not looking forward to it, but it is a necessary evil.

*I didn't know what atretic means so I looked it up... an ovarian follicle in an undeveloped state due to immaturity, poor nutrition or systemic disease; manifested by prolonged anestrus.
I imagine this has something to do with my PCOS and that those follies were there and dormant too long because my hormones are all whacko.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Luckily Blessed

I had my ER today and it all went very well. I am so thankful and feel so very blessed and excited. They got 39 eggs. 4 were no good so we have 35 to work with. I can't believe it! I am SOOOOooooo thankful. So thankful!!!!!!!!! I can't even describe how excited and thankful or say it enough.

First off, we had to travel last night because there were all these ice storm warnings. In Texas, this is a big deal and people freak out. I was just concerned that it would take us forever to get there in the morning and my hubby agreed that it would be easier and more relaxing for both of us to know we didn't have to worry about it. And the town we were going to was right on the edge of where it got pretty bad. So we packed up and headed out, got there about 11:30. I was very cranky when we got there and was taking it out on my poor hubby. But in my defense, we were standing on the balcony in the freezing ass wind while I couldn't get the door open, and he is just standing there pointing as some baseball field and slowly telling me how he played baseball there once. I DID NOT CARE at the moment, just get me in the stupid door so I can stop freezing my butt off and go to bed! And then I discovered I had forgotten my glasses which did not help my mood further. Finally, we got to bed about 12:30.

Then we slept too late and were a little late for our appt to sign the consent forms. The beds and pillows were so comfy! OOPs. Although not unlike us at all to be late. On the short drive to the clinic there was still ice everywhere, just luckily the roads and bridges were fine. We agreed we had made the right decision though. We felt kinda dumb at first since it was bright sunshine outside already.

Then we got in with the doc, signed the consents, and made our way to L&D to get my IV. Well that was an adventure. It took them 3 tries and I have a nice big bruise on my right hand now, but at least I had requested a numbing shot, otherwise I would have been in hysterical tears. That has never happened before that they couldn't find the vein. They kept asking me if I always have trouble. Sorry nurse lady, no, I think it might be you. I felt bad for her, I know she felt bad to stick me so many times. So then a backup came in and got done luckily.

Then it was lights out and I woke up an hour and a half later to the good news. I know I am very lucky and I am just so happy it turned out so well this time. I am much more sore than last time though. And now I walk like an old lady and I am kinda whacked out on pain meds. But I will take it any day for that many eggs.

They are going to do (or did earlier this afternoon already) ICSI this time since our fertilization rate last time was pretty low. And they will call with the fert report tomorrow.

I hope that this streak of luck continues and I thank GOD for blessing me. I have been asking Him each step of the way to bless us and give me grace to handle anything unexpected and he has certainly answered all those prayers. Thanks everyone who prayed for me or sent good vibes my way. I would appreciate if they would keep coming my way!!!

Monday, January 26, 2009

So far so good!

Today I had my day 10 ultrasound and blood work. Things still look good according to the doctor. He did count and measure 7 follicles on each ovary and said that was enough for him so hopefully, that means there are alot more there that he just didn't feel like counting and measuring them all. I snuck a peak when he was out of the room and they were anywhere from 16 to 21 mm. I think I saw that my lining is 7.8 which is down from the last measurement I thought I saw, but the important thing is that he said it looks really good and asked me to keep up the good work on it. So I am not going to stress about the numbers. He has been flying through the measurements which to me means he is not worried enough to really, really take his time.

I am so glad and so thankful. I did a little happy dance when he left the room. And said lots of thankful prayers. YAAY!

So tonight I trigger at 11pm. I was SooooOOOOO tired all today and at the end of the day I drank a huge glass of water and suddenly I felt awake again. I spent most of the day at the doctor in the morning so I guess I didn't drink enough and was dehydrated. Crazy! When they told me I had to trigger at 11 I was like I WILL NEVER MAKE IT. But now thankfully after more fluids I feel better and more awake. I am headed to a friends house shortly for her to give me the shot since hubby is like no way, no how, please someone else do it because even though I love you I am a giant wuss about shots . I really can't blame him with that biggo needle and I am a pro now at giving myself shots, but if I had to do it to someone else? Not so much!

In other news, I ended up having to tell my mom everything yesterday. We didn't know what time the retrieval was going to be for sure Wednesday (it is now set for 11am) and my hubby needs to be back for something work related no later than 4. And we have a 2 hour drive. So we thought it would be better to get someone to come get me as a back up plan in case I get sick or have low blood sugar like last time. My recovery took a little longer because of it and this way if I do feel bad again she can take care of me.

Telling her went well. But I had alot of emotion after keeping it bottled up for 1.5 years and the fact that this is our second one and all. So most of the conversation was probably uninterpretable on the other end because of my sobbing and sniffing. I told her it is not that I didn't trust her with it, I just didn't want to tell her because I wanted to do it on my own. Also because I didn't want to talk about it all the time. She admitted that she realized she doesn't need to help me obsess and she totally understood. It was good to tell her but now I feel a little weird with what all else we will tell her and when, you know if BFP or even BFN. Either way, at least that is over with and she knows. It felt pretty good. And I am also happy my hubby was so supportive and encouraging about telling her because that also means my dad will know and maybe my sister. But who knows, they don't all always talk the way you would think, so the other 2 may know nothing at all! I didn't tell her about the blog yet. Thought maybe later, plus I am not sure that she would get on it anyway.

If you have a minute and can send a prayer my way for a great retrieval and fertilization report I would really appreciate it. Thanks everyone for your comments and support, it has really made this cycle so very nice. I can't say that enough!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Chill Pill

OK, so I have hopefully chilled out since my last post. I was very worked up obviously. I will blame it on the estrogen. Sound good? okay, I thought so.

So today's appointment went better. The doctor was more his usual self which was 1000 times more comforting than the last appointment. He didn't count the follicles again, but he did do some measuring. But only some and he didn't tell me what they were. However, he let me watch this time and said things like "oh that's a great picture" "look at that!" "ooh that one is big" and my personal favorite "this looks more like a donor egg cycle and I don't count those because there are just always too many". He also said my retrieval is going to take forever. These were all things that were so comforting and made me smile. And my lining I think was 8.6, much better once again than it has been before. And I asked if we were on track for the way my calendar was built and he said yes, of course pending my estrogen level AND that I don't prematurely ovulate which of course would be very bad. But I didn't dwell on that.

But then the nurse emailed with my E2. 4,477 YOWSA!

It was good timing because like 30 seconds before that I was on the phone with the pharmacy ordering more meds. The pharmacy is on the East Coast so it was 4:30 there and they stop taking overnight orders at 5. So then I had to call right back and say please cancel that $665 order for Fo.llis.tim. Which they did. Which is sooo nice since it looks like what I originally ordered is going to be just fine to get me to Monday at least.

So my plan now is no Fo.llis.tim tonight (I took 200iu this morning already) and 100iu 2 times Saturday and 50iu 2 times Sunday. And of course I am still on 0.05 Lu.pro.n 2 times per day. Then I go back in Monday. First to give them all my money, then to sign preop papers, then to do another scan and get the OK for trigger. Egg retrieval is probably Wednesday pending no new developments.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

no reason to worry = must worry anyway

My mind is everywhere today, I didn't really have the energy to think of a good title. Sorry.

I really don't know how to describe today's appointment. Technically it went fine. But I just have this weird feeling about it, like they left me hanging and I don't know what to expect now. I hate that feeling. I guess my stims have caught up with me emotionally finally, even though I thought I was doing so well to keep it all together.

So the ultrasound today showed 25+ follies on each ovary. In all actuality, I think he actually counted about 30, but I will say 25 to be conservative in case I was just in shock. And I don't have any measurements. I was pretty much taken aback by THAT many on EACH ovary (and not in a braggy way, in a scared way). The last few days I actually thought nothing was going on down there until yesterday I felt bloated. I was actually scared of going to the appt and that nothing would be happening at all. But when I went and there were so many, then I was worried that there ARE TOO MANY. I just can never be happy I guess. I have inherited my Mema's propensity to worry about EVERYTHING, something that has driven me crazy about her for years. And now look at me, just like her. So the numbers should be good right? It is all about numbers. But holy GEEZ. Are my ovaries going to explode?

Also, the whole ultrasound all the doc did was count. He said nothing otherwise. Before he would at least explain things and let me see, but not this time. The nurse said, "well her lining looks good" and he said "humf , yeah? really?" What does that MEAN? It was 5.8 which yes is not wondrous, but the nurse was just saying last time it had taken us weeks and weeks to get it that thick and now at least it looked pretty good for only 5 days. Plus, NO FLUID (YAY YAY). But the doc was noncommittal on all fronts. All I wanted were words of encouragement or discouragement or even an it looks OK middle of the road would have been just fine.

Then the next part worried me more... he asked me a whole slew of questions about my heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, urine, etc and if I had any trouble breathing or if I had a cold currently. No to all. I assumed this all had to do with OHHS and I guess he saw the look on my face and just said these are all things he asked me before on IVF#1. I don't remember that. I am thinking to myself: maybe he thinks I am OHHS. What if I have to cancel? OMG OMG OMG GAH! And at the same it he is checking my breathing and my heart and he is all "your heart is beating really fast" NO KIDDING! (and my Dr. BFF said maybe he was asking because it also had to do with blot clots since high E2 is associated with blood clots, good point there, but I didn't know that until I got home this evening)

Before he left I did get up the nerve to straight up ask him "so what do you think, what does it look like overall?" His only response was "it is just day 5, just day 5" ((shrugging shoulders)) So I guess I should take that as all is well but instead I took it as anything can happen including bad things.*

They also did draw my blood to check my E2 and the nurse emailed me this afternoon. It was really nice for her to email, they had actually told me to call but I was all worked up at work with actual work things, plus worrying about my E2, that she emailed me before I had a chance to call. With that many follies it was sure to be high. BUT HOW HIGH, OMG HAD TO WORRY OVER IT. It is 1540. I had to email her back to get her to tell me because the first email just said to reduce my dosage to 200iu x 2/day. And she said the E2 was so high because of all the follies but that we could reduce the dosage without "shocking the eggs". And that was all.

So my IRL friends and hubby say not to try to read anything into any of it. Obviously everything is OK if they didn't show any immediate concern. I know they are right, but it seems like I can't get through this without obsessing. Obviously it is like I only have one reaction whether I get good news or bad news. And that reaction is freak out! I drive myself crazy! I don't want to be that way but it is as if I can't help myself.

I just need to trust that God is taking care of things. He has already answered lots of prayers just by having means to do this, getting to today with no fluid and a decent lining. And boy did he answer that one about lots of follies. ;-) So I will try to be thankful and not worry anymore until Friday.

So to sum up, slightly reduced dosage of Follistim and ultrasound and blood draw set for Friday.


* I finally figured out how to do that strike thing and I love it.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Lovin the Lu.pr.on Lazy

Hello. First, thanks to everyone who has commented. It really is exciting to get new comments or see that people are following along. This IF stuff gets lonely sometimes and it has just helped me feel more positive all around. So THANKS!!

I started 0.05 mg of Lu.pro.n 2 times per day Friday. According to my calendar AF was supposed to also arrive, but she didn't until Saturday. Saturday I also added 225iu of Fo.lli.sti.m twice a day to the shot mix. So that is 4 shots a day now. And really it is not that bad at all. The Fo.llis.tim is a breeze after trying out Rep.ro.nex subQ last time. THAT was painful. This, not so much so far, even taking it straight out of the fridge.

And this time I have actually ventured to travel with my stims. The last time I would not have dreamed of leaving my house or anything because I had to take my meds. I am usually a freak about this. But I am determined to at least TRY to keep a semi-normal life during this second round because it will keep my mind off of "things" and hopefully leave me in a better state of being. More relaxed and more positive. So this weekend I was going to my cousin's bday (turned 3, he is so cute!) but I wasn't planning to go until the day of the party. Instead I did go Friday night to help his mom get everything together. And I took my stuff with me in a little cooler and snuck to and from the bathroom with it successfully (as far as I know). I was really nervous because for the Fo.llisti.m I was using a pen which I haven't done before. I had some problems getting the needle on and off which almost caused panic, but I figured it out.

So the only side effect I seem to be having is being REALLY tired. Like so very, very tired. I slept until 10:30 this morning and I could have possibly stayed in bed all day. But my hubby was like when are you ever going to get up!? And I felt really, really bad for missing church. I know I need to go and I feel like God is going to punish me with a bad IVF for not going. I know that is not how it really works, but I feel guilty none the less, especially since I got up to take my shots at a time that would have been perfect to get ready and go to church. But I was so tired, I crawled back in bed and went to sleep thinking I would just go to the late service. Ah, yeah, but I didn't set an alarm and hubby does not just get up for church. III always have to be the one to say we are going. I told him isn't he the head of the household and all that? He just laughed. He knows who is in charge, JK baby!!!!

I said some prayers for forgiveness and we watched a sermon on TV. That sorta made me feel better. Then I spent the rest of the day pretty much doing nothing. I am so lazy, what WILL I do when I do have a kid? But for now, and tomorrow since I have off, I am going to enjoy the Lu.pr.on induced laziness*.

*(although hubby would say it is not just he Lu.pro.n, and he is probably RIGHT)

Monday, January 12, 2009

Baseline Check, Check

I went to my appointment nice and early this morning. I left at 6:20ish thinking that would give me an extra 10 or 15 minutes before my appointment at 8. NOT more like 4 minutes to spare. I felt bad seeing as I was the first appt of the day. I really wasn't late, I just wanted to be early I guess!

When they did the U/S there was just silence, which was kinda killing me. Usually Dr. W is very talkative and I was wondering to myself, well what does THIS mean? Finally, he told the nurse go get "xxxx" and she was like "I thought you would say that" at which point I am staring at both of them going HUH? They said they just want to "check something to be sure everything is OK. We don't want any surprises with you." At this point I still have no real explanation yet, but I am trying not to panic and start crying as is usually my role.

Finally, when they were ready to explain they said I didn't have fluid (thank you God for answering that prayer, thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU. Did you hear me? THANK YOU GOD FOR ANSWERING THAT PRAYER!). But they said that while my lining looks good (again thank you God for answering that prayer) that they see something that could possibly be a polyp and needed to do a Hysto____ (I didn't catch the end name of it?) where you fill the uterus with saline and see if there is a polyp on the ultrasound. I must have looked a little down and Dr. W was "it is always something isn't it? We just want to be sure there are no surprises with you. Or not anymore than we have already had!" I agreed, I would like no surpries other than BFP at the end of this! So long story short, they did hystowhatever and everything was fine. My uterus showed as rounded with nothing around the edge which was great news!! And he showed me the thickness of the lining which I was proud of. Geez, the things we get excited about when you go through this.

I was so proud of myself for not freaking out about something possibly being wrong. And also not being too wussy during the procedure. There was some cramping so I tried to focus my mind on something else. It was no where near the bad as the endometrial biopsy. That was a biotch, this was pretty smooth.

And there were no cysts which is what they were checking on in the first place.

So proceed!!! YIPPEE! My last BCP is tomorrow and I start Lupron twice a day on Thursday. And now we are going to eat to celebrate. Red Lobster. I know some people (probably most people) think it is cheesy, but I really think it is so yummy. Being from central TX and all, I am not picky when it comes to the quality of seafood I get ;-)

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Cute story about hubby: Yesterday he rearrange the 2 extra bedrooms "to prepare for the baby or babies". He has a Man Room that he plays video games in and is his space so it was so sweet of him to say he would give it up when the baby comes or somehow rearrange and take all his sport memoriabilia down. He said it was what he could do to be positive about this process. IT WAS SO SWEET. Aww. Love.
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Friday, January 9, 2009

2008 in the Rear View Mirror

So I wanted to write something today, although I didn't know what. I have a lot of nervous energy leading up to my appointment Monday. I have been really relaxed lately but starting last night I had trouble going to sleep. So many thoughts rushing through my head at once... I was so tense and I felt like I just couldn't make the thoughts STOP. So I guess I am trying to get that all out here now!

I have been seeing everyone doing a year in review type post. I have been trying to think of the best things of 2008... I felt at first it was hard to come up with things, but once I started thinking about it, there are quite a few.

1. I applied for a new job in a big city and got an interview. I went for 2 interviews and got the exact offer I asked for.... but then I chickened out and didn't take it. There was just too much involved. #1 I was in the middle of IVF #1 fiasco and had an FET scheduled 2 weeks after they wanted me to start. #2 We would have had to sell our house and move. #3 And even with moving, because of rush hour traffic, I would have had a 1 to 1.5 hour one way commute every single day. It felt so GOOD that they thought I was highly qualified and worth it. The perks and pleasure of working there seemed endless. But in the in end, my gutt told me not to go. Of course I didn't figure this out until after crying and sobbing to my bestest friend ever over the phone.

2. I have really re-connected with above said friend over this past year which has been indescribably wonderful to have her back in my life. We have been best buds since 3rd grade and she is the friend that knows me best. I know no matter what we talk about, we both give each other advice from the heart and we are honest. You can't beat that. And time has really tested our friendship, you know life happens and sometimes it takes you separate ways. We always kept in touch but now we talk regularly. It is amazing to talk to her and pick up right where we left off without hardly skipping a beat. She is also a doctor. I wish I was so smart!! In 2009 I need to be better about calling HER though, she kinda does all the checking in with me...

3. We traveled at least once per month in the summer. We went tubing at my favorite River. Then we went to New Orleans with friends (well technically FAMILY but I call them my friends before family - is that good or bad? I mean it good as in I would be their friend even if they weren't family ya know?). Then we went to a big Kenny Chesney concert, Poets and Pirates. Loved it. Nothing major, but all very enjoyable.

4. My hubby got a job at a new school AND also gets to teach at a local junior college. This really settled a lot fears financially. His first semester at the school was pretty rocky though, he hated it. It is a public school in a bad neighborhood and COMPLETELY different from the private school he was at before. Also the paycheck - completely different in a good way. Plus the juco job gives us extra money. This semester he is teaching even more there so YAY! And also thankfully he has settled in and is somewhat enjoying his other school too. He has been picked to teach a gifted program next year at the same school and will have totally different kids. He is very excited and it is great to see him that way again!

5. I did see the two lines on a pregnancy test. Even though my numbers then didn't double. But hey, it is further than I ever gotten before so I will consider it a good thing. I know since we didn't get very far and we didn't see a heartbeat or anything that it really doesn't count, but I did see those lines after I peed on that stick. That has never happened before.

There are also a long list of things that happened in 2008 that I hope not to repeat in 2009. But, this was supposed to be positive, so I will just say those in my prayers tonight. Goodnight internets. I sure hope I can sleep now.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Wait for it, wait for it...

So... I have a calendar and now finally I have actual appointments*. I go Monday at 8am for my first scan to check for cysts. I may be crazy, but I am excited. And a little anxious. After the last time and all the fluid in my uterus and no one knowing what was causing it or how to get rid of it, I really don't know what to expect at all. (I can't remember if I even posted anything about how last time went, not sure that I want to go down the road and re-live it now though, rather stay POSITIVE).

Anyhow, here is IVF#2 Microflare protocol.

Started BCP November 3 and have been on active pills all this time. Does anyone else do the BCP this long!?
Jan 12 Baseline scan, start baby aspirin (I would think they do labs this day it doesn't say on my calendar...?)
Jan 13 stop BCP
Jan 16 start 0.050mg Lupron twice daily
Jan 17 - Jan 20 continue Lupron start 225iu Follistim twice daily
Jan 21 and 23 Ultrasounds and blood work
Jan 26 Ultrasound and blood work, hopefully trigger and start antibiotics
Jan 28 estimated retrieval date, start dexamethasone plus progesterone after retrieval
and with luck hopefully a 5 day transfer on Feb 2

I will be probably have to add estrogen at some point in there because some times I have trouble building my lining.

I have heard alot about accupunture needing to be added but I am considering a few massages just to try to help me relax. It really can't hurt anything except my pocket book.

*Of course calling to get the appointments couldn't go without talking to the secretary lady I love so much. I was determined to very up beat and happy when talking to her and she did SO GOOD at being nice and friendly until the very end. Bless her little heart. She tried, but in the end she still had to make a snide comment. It was fine, but pump me with hormones in the next few weeks and it will NOT BE FINE.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

Dear God,

Please let this be our special year. Please, God, bless us with the gift of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby (or babies).

Amen.

*******************

Dear 2009,
Please be our year even though I don't love odd numbers. It is nothing against you number nine, I just have a thing for evens like the number four. I heart four, but will heart nine if it can be our turn ;-). Smooches 2009.

Love,
BB
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Motto for 2009:
Comin' from behind in 2009.

(and do not read that with your head in the gutter, THAT is not what I mean)

What I mean is we are WAY behind most people that have been married almost 7 years. YIKES seven whole years of marriage soon. Did I say YIKES! and we are trying to get prego (everyone else already on 2 kids), pay for getting prego, pay for past bills to try to get prego, and it looks likes we might be able to actually accomplish those things in 2009 if things go well. So we are coming from behind for hopefully a tie or a win. But no overtime please. I can't take it.