Tuesday, April 28, 2009

This is what I DO

Filling out forms for a living, that is.

No lie.

So who has had the privilege of filling out the CCR.M forms? or really it doesn't even have to be THEM, but any doctor office forms? I see ALL of your hands raised.

GAH, for real, can they all join the here and now with you know that thing called word processing? I mean these forms have been scanned in from a copy that was photo copied hundreds of times and then maybe faxed and then finally scanned, printed and scanned again. There are so many black specs on it, so ridiculous!! Could you possibly use WORD or PDF for goodness sake? So that my scratchy ugly hand writing doesn't have to be all over the place? I can barely write legibly any more because I type everything!!

I have seriously thought about bartering for infertility service. I will convert one form to PDF for you for each blood draw. I will create new interactive forms for an ultrasound. Heck for two ultrasounds I will make PDF forms that automatically attach to a database so you don't even need someone to put that info in LATER!!!

Maybe I am simply the only one bothered by this. I will not apologize.

Ok, now for serious stuff. Who really has filled in the C.CRM forms? because the credit card form scares me. I mean I understand its purpose. But at the same time I am just doing a phone consultation. Which they SAY is free supposedly... so I am confused. HALP! do I have to fill it out? because I really don't want to.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hey there...

So a few things happening on the infertility front but not trying to let them consume me. I feel like I am in a new place about it but maybe it is just because it is not taking up my thoughts 24/7. It is still there but right now is a time to live and do other things.

My doctor did finally call me and he doesn't really have any ideas about what he may do differently (or so it seemed to me). There may be an egg problem but no good tests to try to figure it out other than trying again. I am young so he doesn't feel they are necessarily bad. For some reason my embryos do great day 1-3 and then drop off substantially in day 4 and 5. He said he doesn't believe in PGD because I don't have a family or medical history that points to something genetic and you could get the one good or bad cell in any embryo. So he doesn't think it is perfected enough to tell us anything. So he said we have 2 choices... 1) try a 3 day transfer or 2) try ovarian drilling if we want to.

1) The problem with a 3 day transfer is how in the world would we pick the embryos? On day 3 of this cycle I had 20 dividing embryos, most of which looked pretty darn promising. So it was the obvious choice to grow them to blast. It should have been a better chance. He also doesn't think I have any uterine problems or blood flow issues that would affect implantation. He thinks it's all on the egg quality mainly. But he wouldn't say that I have bad eggs or should give up or go on to donor or anything like that. I think basically he was saying he is out of tricks. He wouldn't change the protocol much from last time. And the problem with PCOS is that you get too many eggs then instead of a lower number of quality eggs.

2) When I first started going to him I asked what he thought about ov.arian drill.ing. My mom has been on my case from the beginning that that is a procedure I need to have. She had it done back when it was called wedging and she had her first regular periods after that. I have just never found a doctor that was willing to to do it because it is consider old technology with greater risk than benefit. Dr. W had said he would only use it as a last resort if IVF didn't work. Well here we are.... I have looked up some info, found some success stories, etc. But I have basically been sitting on his suggestion and not moved an inch. Not sure why. He said the risks are scarring to the ovary and then you have to do IVF. But his point is that we are already doing IVF so why not give it a try? We both agreed that if it does work it is the best solution for my overall long term health. But I guess I wonder where it leaves us if it doesn't work... will that affect future IVFs in a negative way? The doc thought that even if it doesn't bring my periods back completely that it could make them more sensitive to less expensive treatments like IU.I with clo.mid, etc.

Either way we have been contemplating going to C.CRM anyway. I want to go to the best place and try my best and if it doesn't work move on while I am still young. At least that is how I feel right now. So I called and have a phone consult on May 20. We can't financially do another IVF until next year or next summer if we go to C.CRM. Our main questions now are can we get insurance to pay for the OD? if so, can we still participate in a shared risk at C.CRM if we do OD? What does C.CRM think of our situation? plus I am sure hundreds more. But like I said above, I feel in this unusual place where I am just "eh, whatever". And so I feel unprepared to be in these decision making situations because I don't feel like I am being intense enough. I feel like I am not going to ask all the right questions because I am just being too laid back right now. I guess I am just go with the flow right now. Maybe I was finally able to put it in God's hands? I know before I was always trying to do it myself and kept grabbing it out of his hands! And maybe this new place is a good thing... we shall see.

In other news, my hubby got me an iMac for our 7th wedding anniversary. I LUURRRVVV it. I am having alot of fun with it but not really getting much else done :-)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Vacation all around

Just saying hi if anyone is still even checking this old rusty thing.

I did get to go on sort of a mini vacation over spring break. See if you can guess where it was from some pictures.

Eh, you probably can't but it was somewhat exciting at the very least. Over spring break we also went to the casino in Shre.vep.ort with some friends. I forgot my camera for that excursion. All you would see is my husband losing me money and me trying to win it back anyway ;-) I just don't know that I am cut out for gambling. While it is fun, I HATE losing money. So... yeah, not as much fun as it could be if I could get over that part.

Then later that week we went to the above spot. We visited my husband's former boss. My husband wants to move there, but I am very much against it. So the trip was kinda weird in that regard. He says I didn't want to admit I liked it and I say that just the whole reason to go up there was weird to begin with! I really don't know who is right. They did put us up in a nice little house that we had all to ourselves (for FREE). That was super nice! and we did both enjoy that a lot. And we also toured some local wineries. That was fun, but the wine has a distinctly odd flavor that I couldn't put my finger on. I think it might be the local water. We bought a bottle at each one and let's just say I opened the first one and drank less than one glass and then I have not touched nor brought myself to open another. So that is probably NOT a good sign of the quality. Oh well.

Also on vacation... apparently my doctors office. I contacted them again last week for a final review of IVF#2 and they said they would check with the doctor. Still nothing by today. I am really tired of that. And we are probably moving on anyway, but still!? This really should not be that hard. It makes me think they are purposely avoiding me. I doubt that is the case, but sometimes it does make me wonder if I am just so hopeless they don't want to talk to me at all.

And so I am also on infertility vacation it seems. But just yesterday the cousin who did get prego from IVF at C.CR.M had her baby. And she totally deserves all the joy and happiness that comes with the little guy and I am very happy for them (honestly I really am! and was excited when it worked for them). But it makes me have to think about babies and that is just making me sad. And now Friday I need to go visit them with my mom and other cousin (auntie to the little guy) before they go home from the hospital and I just don't look forward to it. I do want to go see the baby and parents but I think more than anything I don't want to be there with other family members oooing and awwwing. Quite especially my mom. It just makes me sad and they say things that hurt my feelings with out intention or even knowing it. I just need to suck it up and quit being a wuss. I guess the temporary vacation may be officially over.