Hey there...

So a few things happening on the infertility front but not trying to let them consume me. I feel like I am in a new place about it but maybe it is just because it is not taking up my thoughts 24/7. It is still there but right now is a time to live and do other things.

My doctor did finally call me and he doesn't really have any ideas about what he may do differently (or so it seemed to me). There may be an egg problem but no good tests to try to figure it out other than trying again. I am young so he doesn't feel they are necessarily bad. For some reason my embryos do great day 1-3 and then drop off substantially in day 4 and 5. He said he doesn't believe in PGD because I don't have a family or medical history that points to something genetic and you could get the one good or bad cell in any embryo. So he doesn't think it is perfected enough to tell us anything. So he said we have 2 choices... 1) try a 3 day transfer or 2) try ovarian drilling if we want to.

1) The problem with a 3 day transfer is how in the world would we pick the embryos? On day 3 of this cycle I had 20 dividing embryos, most of which looked pretty darn promising. So it was the obvious choice to grow them to blast. It should have been a better chance. He also doesn't think I have any uterine problems or blood flow issues that would affect implantation. He thinks it's all on the egg quality mainly. But he wouldn't say that I have bad eggs or should give up or go on to donor or anything like that. I think basically he was saying he is out of tricks. He wouldn't change the protocol much from last time. And the problem with PCOS is that you get too many eggs then instead of a lower number of quality eggs.

2) When I first started going to him I asked what he thought about ov.arian drill.ing. My mom has been on my case from the beginning that that is a procedure I need to have. She had it done back when it was called wedging and she had her first regular periods after that. I have just never found a doctor that was willing to to do it because it is consider old technology with greater risk than benefit. Dr. W had said he would only use it as a last resort if IVF didn't work. Well here we are.... I have looked up some info, found some success stories, etc. But I have basically been sitting on his suggestion and not moved an inch. Not sure why. He said the risks are scarring to the ovary and then you have to do IVF. But his point is that we are already doing IVF so why not give it a try? We both agreed that if it does work it is the best solution for my overall long term health. But I guess I wonder where it leaves us if it doesn't work... will that affect future IVFs in a negative way? The doc thought that even if it doesn't bring my periods back completely that it could make them more sensitive to less expensive treatments like IU.I with clo.mid, etc.

Either way we have been contemplating going to C.CRM anyway. I want to go to the best place and try my best and if it doesn't work move on while I am still young. At least that is how I feel right now. So I called and have a phone consult on May 20. We can't financially do another IVF until next year or next summer if we go to C.CRM. Our main questions now are can we get insurance to pay for the OD? if so, can we still participate in a shared risk at C.CRM if we do OD? What does C.CRM think of our situation? plus I am sure hundreds more. But like I said above, I feel in this unusual place where I am just "eh, whatever". And so I feel unprepared to be in these decision making situations because I don't feel like I am being intense enough. I feel like I am not going to ask all the right questions because I am just being too laid back right now. I guess I am just go with the flow right now. Maybe I was finally able to put it in God's hands? I know before I was always trying to do it myself and kept grabbing it out of his hands! And maybe this new place is a good thing... we shall see.

In other news, my hubby got me an iMac for our 7th wedding anniversary. I LUURRRVVV it. I am having alot of fun with it but not really getting much else done :-)