Monday, September 20, 2010

Here I am

Been gone a long while.  And it's a long story.  And I don't even feel like getting into it.

Here it is -- the shortest I can make it.

We went to Colorado.  Things were going good and I started writing a post.  I saved it and we went to the mall. At the mall I got a horrible phone call that my estrogen had dropped.  And suddenly it was panic and worry.  Upset and disbelief.  Even the mother clinic can't seem to help us.  And I was mad.  And we asked if we should just cancel.

They said no, and we trusted them.

We retrieved 40 eggs again.  Only 6 were mature.  They all fertilized.  They matured 9 more in the lab and 6 more fertilized so we had 12.

We only got one embryo to freeze by the end.  The clinic didn't call the day they said they would.

We were both VERY upset.  And instead of closure it left the door open. 

I was barely on ANY meds.  So we felt cheated.  I do not feel like my body failed me, I feel like the doctor did.  I feel like he didn't pay attention.  Once again I was dismissed as she's young this will be easy.  And he was SO SMUG when we met with him.  We were SO SMUG ourselves because he was so confident.

And we ended up with ONE.  The same as the last 2 times.  ONE.  I know that is all it takes but we had big plans.  It's a frozen 3BB.

Now what?  We go back over Thanksgiving to see what else we can get to add.  We are absolutely crazy.  IVF #4.  NEVER EVER thought I would say that.

And I know I should not complain.  But I am totally numb at this point.  I don't know WTF to think.

Rewind: Stim Day 100 Billion Seventy Five Million

This is what I was writing the day it all went down hill

Or it may as well be! Well where do I begin? (also BB = Bad Blogger)

Last Wednesday I had a follicle check and blood work. Things looked good so that evening we took off on our driving trek from TX to CO. We spent the night along the way and the next day did some site seeing at Palo Duro Canyon. This is probably the only "vacation" either of us will get for quite some time so we have been trying to make it at enjoyable as possible.

Friday we checked in at CC.RM for ultrasound and bloodwork. Things looked good. Lots of follicles growing. All this time we were keeping our meds the same 1 amp menopur in the morning and 75 units gonal F in the evening. They told us we didn't need to come for a check on Saturday. Which OK. But I just drove 16 hours to get here and now I don't need to come in again until Sunday? I know I am complaining and I don't even wANT to complain. But couldn't we have done that in TX and then drove on Saturday? That would have been 2 less days off work. However at the same time I DO understand why they want to do the monitoring. Really I do.

So Saturday we drove to Cheyenne because it is the Frontier Days there and we wanted to see what it was all about. We didn't go into the fair but drove around and then went by the state capitol buliding and ate downtown. Very charming. Then we drove to Rocky Mountain National Park which was AMAZING! We drove the scenic route and took tons of pictures and saw chipmunks, elk and 4 moose right before we left the park! The weather was amazing and the scenery out of this world. I highly recommend it if you ever go to CO.

Sunday we went for our second check. Still lots of follicles again (30+ on each ovary). Got that WOW you really ARE PCOS exclamation from the ultrasound tech and nurses. Yes people, yes I am. And then more bloodwork. Then they called and cut my gonal F out. Which was a little disappointing but no worries. I was trying to be positive. So we lounged all day at the hotel recovering from all the ground we covered Saturday.

Yesterday was our third check and follies were still growing nicely. My lining looks pretty darn GOOD. Best I have seen. 9.2 or something. But estrogen was like 3,000 something so again no gonal f. Progesterone and FSH have been fine although I don't know the numbers. At this point starting to get worried though with cutting the meds down to what I feel is NOTHING. Definitely not on schedule for retrieval on Thursday although good even progress on follicle growth each day. Just not FAST follicle growth. We decided to go adventuring again after the doctor. So we went to Colorado Springs and visited the Air Force Academy. Very neat place, glad we stopped! Then we went to the Garden of the Gods. Also very nice and unique plus FREE. Unfortunately, I got sun burned! And we were only out there for like 30 minutes! I am very white and pasty though so should not be surprised. Next we decided to drive up to Pikes Peak. First, its expensive to get in. Second, the road is SCARY. Or at least it was for me. Gave my tummy that funny feeling when we got up high so I spent alot of the time not looking down. Don't get me wrong, the view is amazing as you are going up. But we got stopped with road construction. Like going uphill and stopped for 20 to 30 minutes. Did not like. Then we finally got to the top and I had to PEE and was so hungry I was shaking. The view was OK. Neither of us felt great because of the altitude I guess (14,100 feet or something) so we didn't stay long. If I you have a choice... drive the extra 2 hours to RMNP. That place is way better than Pikes Peak! OR if you do want to experience Pikes Peak take the train! It IS more expensive but well worth it in my opinion. It is the only way I will ever go back!

Then today was another appointment and bloodwork. I expect that I will not have any gonal f tonigh either and that possibly they will cut me off completely and not menopur tomorrow either. I asked....