Here I am

Been gone a long while.  And it's a long story.  And I don't even feel like getting into it.

Here it is -- the shortest I can make it.

We went to Colorado.  Things were going good and I started writing a post.  I saved it and we went to the mall. At the mall I got a horrible phone call that my estrogen had dropped.  And suddenly it was panic and worry.  Upset and disbelief.  Even the mother clinic can't seem to help us.  And I was mad.  And we asked if we should just cancel.

They said no, and we trusted them.

We retrieved 40 eggs again.  Only 6 were mature.  They all fertilized.  They matured 9 more in the lab and 6 more fertilized so we had 12.

We only got one embryo to freeze by the end.  The clinic didn't call the day they said they would.

We were both VERY upset.  And instead of closure it left the door open. 

I was barely on ANY meds.  So we felt cheated.  I do not feel like my body failed me, I feel like the doctor did.  I feel like he didn't pay attention.  Once again I was dismissed as she's young this will be easy.  And he was SO SMUG when we met with him.  We were SO SMUG ourselves because he was so confident.

And we ended up with ONE.  The same as the last 2 times.  ONE.  I know that is all it takes but we had big plans.  It's a frozen 3BB.

Now what?  We go back over Thanksgiving to see what else we can get to add.  We are absolutely crazy.  IVF #4.  NEVER EVER thought I would say that.

And I know I should not complain.  But I am totally numb at this point.  I don't know WTF to think.