waiting and wondering, wondering and waiting

7dp5dt. OMG, when is this going to be over? But yet, don't let it be OVER over. Just let it be Sunday night so I can POAS and see what is going on. I have made a vow not to do it until then. But let me tell you it is HARD. Especially right now when the hubster is not home. And he will not be home until at least 7:30 every night this week. UGGGH. I do and don't want to do it.

So nothing much going on. I got my progesterone level back - 18.3 - which I have no idea what that means and I can't remember what it was the last time for my FET and apparently I didn't write it down for some reason. I asked if it was OK or if it was low and the only response was it is OK but tends to go down from here. So good thing that I just upped the PIO, that is indeed what they had intended. One minute I feel like I am having sypmtoms and one minute I don't. I just wonder how much is the progesterone talking. Probably most if not all of it.

Speaking of those biotches, I actually have been giving them to myself!!! Well, sorta, hubby pinches and I stick the needle in and try to hold steady while hubby pushes the medicine slowly in. This past weekend my friend had to go out of town and this coming weekend we will be out of town so we thought we better learn. Hubby is very shaky and he is afraid of hurting me so up to this point he has refused to even think about doing it. But I think our little team work thing does pretty good and he is not so freaked out about it now that he sees it isn't too horrible. I really NEVER thought I could stick a needle that big into my bum on my own, but it turns out I CAN. There are so many things I can do that I never thought I could. That is one thing the IF crapola has been good for...

Other than that, work is busy which I suppose is good. And we have plans for the weekend so that is extra good because I need distractions.

We will be going to H-town to see my husband's cousin and her husband. They are the one's I say are our friends that happen to be family. We have been hanging out since college so it is always a good time. They know minimal about our current IF. I used to see a doc in H-town and so I would stay overnight with them and we were pretty open with almost everything at that point. But it got to where I kinda felt what I told them might be told to others. That is kinda how the hubby's family IS. And I like to think they don't do it maliciously but it just happens. So I feel like (and hubby also, pretty strongly actually) that if we tell them something that should be secret, but someone in the family (that is what I call them, like the m.af.ia, THE FAMILY) might ask them about it trying to find out and they would so cave thinking that person would keep it secret. Which they would NOT. What one knows, they all know. There are 4 aunts plus my MIL in a small town with population maybe 200, what do you expect. They have nothing else to do but get in each others business. And while I know I can trust this couple, I also don't want to put them in a position where they may accidentally say something and then I have to be mad at them even though they didn't mean to do it on purpose. Does any of this make sense? Probably not....

Anyway, recently they have gotten wind that something is up. We had talked about taking a trip to Napa Valley on Spring Break, but then my hubby thinking he was being helpful, which it ended up just starting stuff, brought it up recently and threw out some other vacation ideas and they were like "we thought it was already settled" and my hubs said that we didn't want to go somewhere that drinking was the main attraction. And they are what? drinking is ALWAYs the main attraction. And truly, yes, normally it is when we get together ;-) And so now also this weekend I can't drink and I have already told them that. So they know something is UP for SURE, but they don't know what. It is a big huge elephant in the room and I don't know what to do about it. They are mad because they think we don't trust them and we are annoyed that they think they need to know and that we SHOULD tell them. On the other hand if I AM prego, they will probably be one of the first we will tell. Crazy, huh? I know, it really is. I go back and forth everyday whether to tell them what is going on this weekend. One minute, I want to and hubby doesn't, the next he wants to and I don't. We just don't know. The end.

OK, well thanks for hanging in there for my rambling. If you are still awake, have a good evening every one! And thanks very much for your continued comments and support. You are all so sweet and I really enjoy my bloggie friends! I need to catch up with some of you tonight as well.