Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Random List: so many things floating in my mind

I have so much all twisted up in my head. So this post may just be gobbledy goop splatted all over the page. So that is your warning in case you want to stop reading now!

  • I woke up at 2:30 again last night, this time no gas pain since I ate something with the antbiotic when I took it, but because I had major cramps that woke me up. At first I was all yeah baby, cramp away! But then I just wanted it to stop because it really hurt so bad I couldn't sleep. I went to the bathroom and it stopped. So now I am left wondering. I have felt mild crampiness today. I hate the wondering, it drives me insane.

  • IVF #2 has been so different. Different in that everything worked correctly for the most part and I was cheery and took one day at a time. The doctor even complimented me on how well I had done yesterday before the transfer and that they were really proud of me. I would have loved to have transferred all blasts but hey at least I had 3 left to transfer and more still going at the time (haven't heard about the others). But oddly during and after the transfer yesterday I just was kinda like "Ok it is over now". I am not as excited out of my mind as the first time and I don't know what that is about. I wonder if that is a bad thing or what? I am somehow in disbelief that IVF #2 happened and now I must wait. It is SO WIERD if you ask me. Why do I feel that way? I should be ecstatic and unable to contain myself. Instead I am just "well that's over". Terrible.

  • I had to call the Dr again this mornig. Ugh! I slept so well but couldn't really sleep late because my neck was hurting. So I got up and started watching TV but got kinda comfy and started drifting off. So I napped for a moment in kind of an upright position on the couch and then decided to lay down. When I layed flat on my right side I had some girgling in my lungs and coughed when I was trying to breath. So I tried my left side and then my whole chest hurt! I was concerned since they told me yesterday to watch out for any sign there is fluid on my lungs. And the fluid in my abdomen has seemed to go down so I was concerned it had moved to the lungs, which I of course don't even know if that is possible, but you KNOW the mind can play dirty tricks on you. So I called and the nurse said she would see what Dr. W said and call back. Then I was just so mad at myself to even be bothering them! ACKAKCKACK. So when she called back she said to just watch it to see if it gets worse and I blurted out to her that I hate being a patient and sorta started crying. I said I don't want to be a patient any more because I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and I HATE IT. She said don't feel bad for calling but I just felt really dumb.

  • I still cough if I try to lay down on the right side and still feel like there is a little fluid, but it is not worse than this AM. I can however lay flat on my back with no problem. So apprently my hubby is correct that I am just a hypochondriac. Pregancy is going to be long for me... I just need to stay away from reading ANYTHING about it and do whatever I am told. And lucky me that he will be looking at me saying, but you wanted THIS! Not that he doesn't want it... but I know he is going to remind me everytime I complain about anything.

  • Doctor said to stay away from salt. UGH UGH UGh now all I want is salt. I just made myself tomato soup. It said no added salt, but I swear it was still so good and salty. Ooops.

  • I checked my work email from home today and tomorrow will suck when I go back tomorrow. Somehow I have to not stress out over it, but seeing how tightly I am wound just being at home alone relaxing today, I really wonder how in the world that will work.

  • The friend who we are visiting, not this weekend but the next, who I said before that I needed to do a whole post on that situation, called me today. She had emailed me yesterday and didn't get my auto reply and was wondering if I was avoiding her. She also was wondering why I was off work but I tried to dodge the question. I will still post more about that later. But I know she is wondering and her and her husband will discuss it and try to figure it all out. They probably know but don't know what exactly is going on. MORE UGHs!!!! Should we tell them when we visit? Should I POAS before that weekend? What if it is negative and then I am a total mess? What if it is positive and then we tell and something happens!? ACK brain please just stop already.

  • Husband had jury duty today. He didn't want to be picked but then acted disappointed that he wasnt. ???!!!???!!???

  • I have been avoiding doing our checkbook at all costs. I just don't want to know and instead I have just spent whatever I felt like. Likely a hugely bad decision. But I just still don't want to see the damage. Denial.

  • I have everything for our taxes except one thing that is hopefully in the mail as we speak.
  • My friend gave me Arrested Development Season 1 to watch today. Now I really want a chocolate covered banana. YUM!

  • I keep getting tagged to do the "25 things about you" on FB. I keep avoiding it since the 25 things I can think to say right now, I don't want everyone in the world to know about. And somehow through five years of IF I have become VERY boring and can't tell you a single thing about myself that is remotely interesting or that I do for fun. Very sad.

  • And now I must get out of this funk and get on with life.

6 comments:

  1. i finally did the 25 things on fb :) ha ha. i just did it today.

    i LOVE arrested development. i am so sad that it is gone.

    keep on eye on your breathing. my RE told me today to sleep on 2-3 pillows for the fist 24-48 hours after ER. it has helped a lot. why didn't anyone mention this the first time?

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  2. I've been tagged w/that same tag like 5 times, I too am avoiding it. Hang in there, I think everything you are feeling is totally normal. My 2nd IVF I was excited but I think it's because the first had worked. #3 after my failed one I was not and kinda the same still. Did that make any sense???

    The whole checking thing is all too familiar too, I know it's gonna be bad when I finally balance it. Ugh.

    Hang in there and hope you are feeling better soon!

    Hugs,
    Kahla

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  3. It sounds like it will be good for you to get back to work. You sound way too preoccupied.

    I am so happy your embryos and transfer turned out so well.

    Congratulations!!!

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  4. Right there with you on avoiding the FB tag for the same reason. Maybe I'll do it on my blog instead, since there I can really share some of those things I want to talk about.

    I'm happy to hear the transfer went so smoothly, but sorry to hear that you're not feeling well now - especially, since it comes at time when you're so attuned (for all the right reasons) to every little signal your body is sending out.

    Take care of yourself, and I'll be thinking good implantation thoughts for you!

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  5. Whoa! What a post! Hope you are feeling better soon. I was very ambivilent (sp?) about ivf #2 as well - protective thing, I think.

    Wishing you all the best! Although OHSS symptoms suck, it could be a VERY good sign :)

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  6. please don't feel bad about calling your doctor, it is so important to keep an eye on OHSS! i know other bloggers who have been hospitalized even after transfer and at least one who feels she lost a pregnancy because of OHSS. you really do have to stay on top of that and always call your doctor if you're at all unsure. remember you are paying these people a LOT of money for all this, so don't get too worried about being a "good" patient.

    bummer that work sounds stressful but it will be nice to have something not related to IF to throw yourself into. good luck!!

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