Friday, February 6, 2009

Up, down and all around...

That is my blog motto and that is exactly how I have been feeling this week.

I did go back to work and it is busy, but as some of you mentioned it might be, it was certainly a welcome thing to have to concentrate on something else. And I have promised myself to manage the stress with gracefulness. And so far it is working. I just do one thing at a time, it will all get done. I do admit though I am a little feistier than usual. But I think it is working for me.

Wednesday I felt pretty good. I still had alot of bloating but I wasn't totally uncomfortable. I laughed alot. ALOT that day. Big belly laughing that couldn't stop at some things that happened that day. I was hoping that was Ok for the embryos, surely they are protected. Most funny was when I was at my friends house for my PIO shot. We work together and somehow we got on the topic of work and how we can't believe some people are still working there after 30 years and how they dress, act, complain, etc.! It is a whole long story of course, that probably only WE think is funny, but basically right before the shot she tells me at one point they had hired a woman who had scabies. Now I don't even know wHAT THAT IS except that the reason they found out was because the lady smelled like flea shampoo because that is how you got rid of them (and she was fired after 3 days not sure if it was because of that or other things). Now she tells me this with my bare butt cheek about to be poked with an inch and half needle and I couldn't stop laughing and SHE couldn't stop. So we both held our breath, did the deed and continued our laughter. I still don't know why it was SO funny other than you just had to be there and know our crazy work environment and the characters that work there.

Thursday I just woke up sad though. I just was sad right off the bat. I was sad that my work pants fit me. CRAZY. I know I am crazy, I get it. I do not want life threatening OHSS or anything but since they say it can get worse if you are prego, I guess I was just thinking keeping some of the bloating is better. I can't really tell you how my head works.... I just was having negative feelings that nothing had worked. Then at lunch I got the news than none of our embryos made it to freeze. I was terribly, terribly disappointed. I felt like if none made it to freeze then what about the one's they put in me? And why with all that fertilized this time have we STILL only made 2 blasts. ONLY TWO, one this time, one last time. Now I know some people have not even made it that far and so I feel like a big whiny baby saying that. But it just was very disappointing. And I just wanted to hide and cry but I was at work and then a last minute thing got dumped on me and I had to pull it together pretty quick and get it done. I got home, cried it out and hubby came home. He was able to make me feel better and while he was sad about nothing to freeze we discussed how they have told us they are very particular about what they will freeze, so it has to be great for them to even think of it. He is still convinced this will be a great success so we won't need any frosties. I sure hope he is right and in the back of my mind I can see how we will still have good possibility for success. I am still hopeful.

So today I have been just in the middle (or the all around phase again). I went to get my progesterone draw this morning. Got to the clinic at 7:45 and they didn't have my orders even though I specifically asked my doc about it yesterday and they said I didn't need an appointment or anything. That made me mad but it all worked out. I just went back at 10 and got it done. But then I was so busy with work and was trying to just concentrate on that, I forgot to call to get the results. How dumb was that!? But I reread my instructions and I am pretty sure I up the progesterone no matter what so that is what I plan to do. I might call the L&D number since that is also on my instruction sheet, but I don't know if it is really that important or not. I don't think they will know what I should do either way, but just they could tell me the level that came back from the labs.

I have had a few minor symptoms that might mean I am prego. But they could also all be progesterone. I had a hot flash last night during the night, some weird dreams (but I have those alot anyway), and I have had some cramping/tingle/twinge stuff/pulsing stuff down there. But who knows what that really is. I could drive myself crazy thinking of the possibilities.

I am trying stay busy this weekend. Hubby mentioned maybe going somewhere although I don't know where that wouldn't cost us tons of money or be far away. We'll see. I definitely do want to get the checkbook all squared away and I am sure I will finish our taxes. Sadly, I almost look forward to doing these things. That shows just how lame my life has become, hahah! Just kidding....


  1. OMG. I'm totally not looking forward to the 2ww. It must be driving you crazy and I know for sure everything your feeling is everything everybody else is feel during that time. I'm sure belly laughs only encourage the embryos to find they're home and settle in. I'm rooting for you!

  2. the rollercoaster sucks. i will say that in my last cycle i had nothing to freeze even after 18 eggs and 14 "fabulous" embryos, and all my OHSS disappeared shortly after transfer....and it worked! but i know what you mean, i was really disappointed too about not having anything to freeze and felt like i was doomed. you just don't know until you know. irritating!

  3. I probably hate this part almost as much as I do the ER itself, they pretty much both completely and totally suck. Try not to get too down over the totsicles, this is our 5th fresh IVF and the first time we've ever had any to freeze (and 2 out of 4 of our previous IVFs have worked, despite losing the twins last time). Positive thoughts only ma'am! ;o) As for symptoms w/me, I don't have anything I can't blame on PIO. Boobs are a little sore (of course it could be from me squeezing the crap out of them to see if they are sore) and a cramp here and there, tired in the evenings. Nothing to tell me anything. And I had an HCG booster on Thursday so POAS anytime is definitely out of the question. Fun times!

  4. you change your progesterone dose? from what to what? can i ask? my clinic doesn't even check progesterone. in fact, nothing really happens after the transfer!!! arg.

    hang in there. getting close to testing time...

  5. Just checking in to see how things are going. Hope you are surviving the 2WW. Will be thinking of you