Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I guess this is for real?

My meds shipped tonight.  Gotta pick em up from Fed Ex tomorrow.  Baseline ultrasound and blood work Friday.

My dad called to talk.  My mom and sis are out of town so I guess he just wanted to say hi.  Love it when it calls just to chat.  He also wanted to see if I was excited to get started and head to CO.  Oddly I am not.  I think he is excited which is cute.  But I just said I am not excited about it as much because if it doesn't work then I know I will be sad.  And also work is on my mind and I am scared about being gone that long. I am really scared if this doesn't work.  I have been thinking for SO long if only I could go to Colorado.  Now it is here and I just fear failure and what that will mean.

I know I should be more positive.  I drive my husband crazy with my negativity.  But I keep thinking back to those other cycles.  I barely had ANY blasts and never anything to even freeze.  That is scary.  I know, some people didn't even get an egg or some people didn't even make embryos and it only takes one.  But it is really hard sometimes to think positive things when we've done this twice already with no luck.  I really hope that when we get to CO that some excitement kicks in.  The doctor was very confident when were there.  But I just am waiting for what's going to be the thing that goes wrong this time.  And I swear if that doctor says "you are a tough case my dear" to me I might SCREAM.  Because I have heard that too many times already.  

Also, at dinner tonight, my uterus was doing some weird jump jump jump crazy jump pulse or something.  WHAT the heck was that?  I don't understand what that would even be and it freaked me out.

Good lord I am glad tonight is my last BC pill.  I think that stuff has had me on a serious ride.

2 comments:

  1. I'm excited for you, I think there are great possibilities on the horizon! I understand it's scary and hard not to think, "what if it doesn't work," but "what if it DOES work!!!" Do not base anything on not having something to freeze. We never got anything to freeze off of four fresh cycles and then on fresh cycle #5, two frozen.... who'd guess! On those cycles that we didn't have anything to freeze, two of them worked (one was a three day transfer and one was a five day transfer). Every case is different. Try to stay positive and relax, I know easier said than done! sending tons and tons of prayers and positive thoughts!

    Hugs, Kahla

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  2. I am just like you always negative and it drives my husband crazy. I went through IVF in April - they got 5 eggs. I was heartbroken - then they called and said only 2 were mature - I was even more heartbroken. They put back both eggs and we are now pregnant with a singleton. I know you have heard it before but it truly only takes one. Good Luck!

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