The Baby-Go-Round

So I have been in hiding...

2011-10-28T20:00:00.001-05:00

Because I am pregnant. (!!!!!!!!!) I just haven't known how to say it here. I know that sounds so crazy, but I just don't know what to say. I have seen so many others say that and now I can totally relate. After struggling for so long, it's hard to come out and say I am indeed pregnant or even believe it myself. I just feel like it will jinx it in a big, big way. And once again with the

Update

2011-06-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

Hi ya'll! No posts in very long time. Just been trying to focus on other things... it only works partially of course as you probably all know. Let me see if I can summarize. Feb/March - Attempt #1 for FET #1. Lining 7.6 which was not quite good enough for doctor so they add estrace to my protocol and extend for a week trying to get lining to 9. Fluid shows up in uterus (!!!! this has

party has started

2011-03-04T23:20:00.000-06:00

Well the party has started but due to MAJOR work stress I haven't had time to think too hard about it. Which is good. But also bad because sooo much STRESS. Hopefully it has all ended this week and I can now be peaceful until my transfer. And hopefully at least the 2ww after, but who knows! I have been on Lupron for 2 weeks and started estrogen patches this past Sunday. I had my first E2

Restless

2011-01-30T23:50:00.003-06:00

I can't seem to go to sleep tonight. My mind just will not stop.We spent the weekend with our family I call friends. I talked about them before and how it was hard when they got pregnant (in fact that post is pretty terrible) and it didn't seem fair that IVF #2 didn't work for us. But I've gotten over it since then and they have the sweetest, lovable little boy EVER. And every time we usually

Here I am... there I was... I am here

2011-01-21T18:53:00.000-06:00

Dear sweet Kate sent me a comment to see "what's up"? I guess that is the only thing that will get me to post anything new, LOL. Thanks Kate, I know you are super busy with that gorgeous gal of yours (sooo cute!)!! But I also notice I have a few extra followers I didn't have last time. So hello gals, it's been quite some time. A whole 11 posts in 2010? Wow, that's terrible. And while I

Here I am

2010-09-20T23:26:00.000-05:00

Been gone a long while. And it's a long story. And I don't even feel like getting into it. Here it is -- the shortest I can make it. We went to Colorado. Things were going good and I started writing a post. I saved it and we went to the mall. At the mall I got a horrible phone call that my estrogen had dropped. And suddenly it was panic and worry. Upset and disbelief. Even the mother

Rewind: Stim Day 100 Billion Seventy Five Million

2010-09-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

This is what I was writing the day it all went down hillOr it may as well be! Well where do I begin? (also BB = Bad Blogger)Last Wednesday I had a follicle check and blood work. Things looked good so that evening we took off on our driving trek from TX to CO. We spent the night along the way and the next day did some site seeing at Palo Duro Canyon. This is probably the only "vacation" either

What CD is this? Lets just call it Stim Day 1.

2010-07-18T20:19:00.003-05:00

I am thoroughly confused what cycle day I am on... and I should know this stuff... but this is why I am not sure:I am confused because Tuesday I took my last BC pill and my instructions say that I may or may not bleed and not to call either way. It didn't say you may or may not have your period or anything about a Cycle Day 1. So is today CD 3 or CD1? I guess I will just go with Stim Day 1 or

I guess this is for real?

2010-07-13T22:29:00.000-05:00

My meds shipped tonight. Gotta pick em up from Fed Ex tomorrow. Baseline ultrasound and blood work Friday. My dad called to talk. My mom and sis are out of town so I guess he just wanted to say hi. Love it when it calls just to chat. He also wanted to see if I was excited to get started and head to CO. Oddly I am not. I think he is excited which is cute. But I just said I am not excited

Random

2010-07-04T12:56:00.002-05:00

So last nights post needs to go.And I have been having ideas for random things to post. So instead of posting them all separately, how about a List?In preparation for my upcoming cycle I have been lurking on many new blogs. I find comfort in finding them. But I haven't left any comments or anything so how can I expect them to find me? I am so silly about actually leaving comments. I want

Get out of the way!

2010-07-04T00:34:00.000-05:00

I am ready for IF to just get the F out of the way! But the truth is will that ever happen!? Even if I get pregnant this has permanently changed me. And I don't know if I like that at all. But I also think there is nothing I can do about it either. Case in point. Was invited to my friends kids birthday party today. The middle kid of her 3 boys, youngest just born a month ago. I told her I

Seriously, put the worry away for a minute.

2010-06-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

What is it about starting this whole process that makes me turn into a huge WORRYING stress ball? I mean I am worrying about EVERYTHING. Every. Thing. It is stupid. I just spent an hour worrying about a work email. And if I should reply. I sent an email earlier today to my boss asking about something. This something has turned out to be a misunderstanding between myself and another person,

I blame the meds

2010-06-14T22:07:00.000-05:00

another long absence from blogging... means another listie list.... I see some nice changes to blogger since I have been gone... does this mean I can upload pictures easier? Lets see: Well I uploaded it and it is not where I want it... flurg! There we go. Now it's in the right place. So we went to Colorado and this is what it did on the day of my appointment: Can you say snow? These Texans

A few things

2010-02-14T12:14:00.007-06:00

Bullet LIST!! aren't you excited? (mostly job related now that I am finished compiling it)Happy Valentine's Day!I have been at my new job for two weeks now. I love love love what they do and it is very exciting. It is really awesome to hear what they are doing and I actually am able to contribute right away while learning at the same time. But it is stressful, stressful, stressful. And all we

Hard Decisions

2010-01-07T19:27:00.012-06:00

---- I wrote this a few weeks ago but forgot to post ----Hello ya'll. So glad that you are still OUT THERE. I thought that not posting or commenting on my part probably meant everyone was gone. It is time for me to get my blogger on and start commenting again. I definitely read, but not so good with the commenting. Sorry about that.But on to the hard decisions.I think I did the hardest thing

OMGOSH.I.HAVENT.POSTED.SINCE.OCTOBER....

2010-01-03T23:05:00.004-06:00

Well then. That is really sad....HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 2010 is going to be quite adventurous. Or at least I hope it will be. I guess tomorrow is my first call for an actual appointment for the one day work up at C.CR.M. I should probably be more excited. But there has been so much waiting and so much, shall I dare say NORMAL(!?) that I am really not excited to call. Is that weird or

award

2009-10-19T19:23:00.005-05:00

Thanks for the shout out Kate. I haven't had anything to write it seems so been really quiet over here. All I can think to say it BLAH blah I hate waiting BLAH flurg. Ugh. So not very interesting.SO LETS ANSWER QUESTIONS!!! Except I am gonna skip 2-3. Sorry I am just NOOOooo fun!!! I know!The Rules which I shall thwart forthwith:1. You Can Only Use One Word! (HA!)2. Pass this along to 6

God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy....

2009-08-18T22:22:00.007-05:00

If you like country music (which being in Texas are we the ONLY ones?) then you have heard this song. Man I looooveeee that song and it gets stuck in my head. So true!!So loooonnnggg time and no posting for me. I don't have a lot to say so just keeping quiet. It has hit me lately than in about 3 months I will be 31 and I have done nothing IF related since February. Kinda depressing. REALLY

BLARGH

2009-07-23T21:05:00.021-05:00

That is a new word in case you didn't know. At least according to me and my coworker. A mix between BLAH and ARGH and UGH and LARGE. BLARGH. And it is not for blog, it is for a mix of all those things I said. Just a really big blah! and UGH! all at the same time.That is how I feel lately.So vacation was good. Soooooo. sooooo. SooooooooooOOOOOOO. good. And I think that is why I am now very

Vacation

2009-06-28T21:59:00.000-05:00

Hello! Sweet Kate left me a note the other day to see what I am up to. And I guess I have been taking a blog vacation and worrying about doctor and babies vacation. Well, as much of a vacation you can take from it I guess! It is of course still always on my mind. But I haven't had a lot to say....I have been watching so many I follow get pregnant and then some with losses. I am so happy for

aware

2009-05-28T21:13:00.000-05:00

Continuing with the one word descriptive titles, well yes I am.So first a lengthy disclaimer. I know I sound really very sad and depressed here. And I really rant and am all whoa is me and look at my poor situation. And I don't think of myself as being that way in real life. Or I don't perceive myself to be that way, maybe others could tell you differently. I sometimes feel odd, bad,

consult

2009-05-21T20:16:00.000-05:00

I have a thing for one word titles these days.{and I thought I would try out a new font...}~~~warning really terribly rambly and exceptionally ranty edition~~~So we had our consult with C.CR.M last night. I really don't know what to say about it, it left me in a weird place to some degree. I had finally kinda got in the groove of just trying to enjoy my life and not worry and constantly think

better

2009-05-16T11:36:00.000-05:00

Ok that last post was so HORRIBLE but was true to what I was feeling at the moment.They came, I lived, it was fine. What can I do? I can't do anything about it. They want me to be OK and I get that. But it is just hard and especially when I just want it to be easy. I don't want it to be awkward for them. And I don't want to feel awkward either. We didn't discuss it at length because we

reality

2009-05-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

Our closest friends who happen to be family, as I call them, are pregnant.And I don't know how to deal. I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen soon.And they emailed my husband so he could break the news to me. She would have called me on the way home from work today but he said he would tell me instead. They wanted to let us know before they tell everyone else.And I am just so broken

This is what I DO

2009-04-28T16:58:00.000-05:00

Filling out forms for a living, that is.No lie.So who has had the privilege of filling out the CCR.M forms? or really it doesn't even have to be THEM, but any doctor office forms? I see ALL of your hands raised.GAH, for real, can they all join the here and now with you know that thing called word processing? I mean these forms have been scanned in from a copy that was photo copied hundreds of

Hey there...

2009-04-25T13:29:00.000-05:00

So a few things happening on the infertility front but not trying to let them consume me. I feel like I am in a new place about it but maybe it is just because it is not taking up my thoughts 24/7. It is still there but right now is a time to live and do other things.My doctor did finally call me and he doesn't really have any ideas about what he may do differently (or so it seemed to me).

Vacation all around

2009-04-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

Just saying hi if anyone is still even checking this old rusty thing.I did get to go on sort of a mini vacation over spring break. See if you can guess where it was from some pictures.Eh, you probably can't but it was somewhat exciting at the very least. Over spring break we also went to the casino in Shre.vep.ort with some friends. I forgot my camera for that excursion. All you would see is my

Seriously Stupid

2009-03-12T16:56:00.000-05:00

This is just a silly post although the title makes it sound pretty angry....You know how they say pregnancy hormones make you stupid? or you can't remember anything? Well one day I hope to experience that, however in the meatime, I think I am experiencing some serious lack of intelligence from going through IVF. Seriously. I think all those hormones jack you up... or maybe it is JUST ME!?.... but

finally had the courage

2009-03-06T16:07:00.000-06:00

I finally am feeling more up to talking to my doctor so I contacted them for a phone consult on IVF #2. We didn't do one last time at all and I know we need to talk about it. We still have no idea what our next move is going to be and I think my husband and I are both avoiding the subject for now. So I am just trying to be patient and actually that is turning out Ok. I feel pretty happy

Thanks; and then lots of whining

2009-02-17T20:22:00.001-06:00

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your comments and support. It really did make me feel better to read each one. And there is one that I must have hit the wrong button ... I didn't mean to delete a comment from Maredsous! I am so sorry! I did not mean to do that at all.The beta was negative. I haven't set up any appointments to discuss what they think happened. I haven't felt up to

Bust

2009-02-15T15:52:00.000-06:00

Well I POAS and it was negative. I am numb and know the emotion of it hasn't even begun to come out yet. I don't want to believe it. I was so sure this was it. And my husband was so sure.I don't have a clue what comes next. There is the slightest of slightest of the very slightests that the test could be wrong and the blood work will show differently. But let's be honest, that is highly

Still here, just keeping myself busy

2009-02-14T09:27:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! Thanks for the comments wondering about me and sorry I just dropped off. I have actually been keeping busy which is a good thing. I still have not POAS but probably will tomorrow once we get home from our weekend adventures. My beta is Monday. I feel scared to POAS for some reason. Then it is so final if it is negative... but it could positive. As someone said here in the

waiting and wondering, wondering and waiting

2009-02-09T19:17:00.001-06:00

7dp5dt. OMG, when is this going to be over? But yet, don't let it be OVER over. Just let it be Sunday night so I can POAS and see what is going on. I have made a vow not to do it until then. But let me tell you it is HARD. Especially right now when the hubster is not home. And he will not be home until at least 7:30 every night this week. UGGGH. I do and don't want to do it.So nothing

Up, down and all around...

2009-02-06T19:06:00.000-06:00

That is my blog motto and that is exactly how I have been feeling this week.I did go back to work and it is busy, but as some of you mentioned it might be, it was certainly a welcome thing to have to concentrate on something else. And I have promised myself to manage the stress with gracefulness. And so far it is working. I just do one thing at a time, it will all get done. I do admit though I am

Random List: so many things floating in my mind

2009-02-03T17:52:00.000-06:00

I have so much all twisted up in my head. So this post may just be gobbledy goop splatted all over the page. So that is your warning in case you want to stop reading now!I woke up at 2:30 again last night, this time no gas pain since I ate something with the antbiotic when I took it, but because I had major cramps that woke me up. At first I was all yeah baby, cramp away! But then I just

Transferred Up

2009-02-02T20:59:00.000-06:00

I feel like I have really been absent! I haven't posted because the last few days have kinda sucked. I have felt really terrible and so I haven't been up to much at all and all I could think of to write was complainy, whiny stuff. Which I know you would all understand, but I just felt like it would be too sad so I declined. The good news is today I feel much better.To try to sum it all up...

Day 2 Report

2009-01-30T19:48:00.000-06:00

The day 2 report is good ... and I got it after I sent an email apologizing for being a major pain in the ass last night. Yes, I know, that is why they are there (that is what the nurse said but really it is her job to say that) but I was so embarrassed to be so unprepared for this major event. GEEZ [hiding my face].7 mature unfertilized (<--- not sure why they say this?) 5 fertilized as 1 cell 3

Deep Breath

2009-01-29T23:28:00.000-06:00

There was panic and hysterical crying but now everything is OK.I am supposed to be a pro at this right, with round number 2 and all? But tonight I was getting my PIO stuff together to take to my friend's house and discovered that my PIO was EXPIRED. AND the top of the vial that has the rubbery stuff, latex maybe?, had become all deformed and expanded so that it looked like there was something

Drum Roll

2009-01-29T18:36:00.000-06:00

The nurse emailed me this morning. She said there were actually 43 (HOLY GOD really? I have never heard of that many either. I feel like a freak, but I guess in a good way). But then 23 were immature or atretic* so that left us 20 mature. Not too shabby, still very pleased. Of the 20, then 11 fertilized. And they didn't tell me my E2 but I would be interested to know what it was/is. I know the

Luckily Blessed

2009-01-28T21:29:00.000-06:00

I had my ER today and it all went very well. I am so thankful and feel so very blessed and excited. They got 39 eggs. 4 were no good so we have 35 to work with. I can't believe it! I am SOOOOooooo thankful. So thankful!!!!!!!!! I can't even describe how excited and thankful or say it enough.First off, we had to travel last night because there were all these ice storm warnings. In Texas,

So far so good!

2009-01-26T21:01:00.000-06:00

Today I had my day 10 ultrasound and blood work. Things still look good according to the doctor. He did count and measure 7 follicles on each ovary and said that was enough for him so hopefully, that means there are alot more there that he just didn't feel like counting and measuring them all. I snuck a peak when he was out of the room and they were anywhere from 16 to 21 mm. I think I saw that

Chill Pill

2009-01-23T19:47:00.000-06:00

OK, so I have hopefully chilled out since my last post. I was very worked up obviously. I will blame it on the estrogen. Sound good? okay, I thought so.So today's appointment went better. The doctor was more his usual self which was 1000 times more comforting than the last appointment. He didn't count the follicles again, but he did do some measuring. But only some and he didn't tell me

no reason to worry = must worry anyway

2009-01-21T20:32:00.000-06:00

My mind is everywhere today, I didn't really have the energy to think of a good title. Sorry.I really don't know how to describe today's appointment. Technically it went fine. But I just have this weird feeling about it, like they left me hanging and I don't know what to expect now. I hate that feeling. I guess my stims have caught up with me emotionally finally, even though I thought I was doing

Lovin the Lu.pr.on Lazy

2009-01-18T18:25:00.000-06:00

Hello. First, thanks to everyone who has commented. It really is exciting to get new comments or see that people are following along. This IF stuff gets lonely sometimes and it has just helped me feel more positive all around. So THANKS!!I started 0.05 mg of Lu.pro.n 2 times per day Friday. According to my calendar AF was supposed to also arrive, but she didn't until Saturday. Saturday I

Baseline Check, Check

2009-01-12T17:42:00.000-06:00

I went to my appointment nice and early this morning. I left at 6:20ish thinking that would give me an extra 10 or 15 minutes before my appointment at 8. NOT more like 4 minutes to spare. I felt bad seeing as I was the first appt of the day. I really wasn't late, I just wanted to be early I guess!When they did the U/S there was just silence, which was kinda killing me. Usually Dr. W is very

2008 in the Rear View Mirror

2009-01-09T21:59:00.000-06:00

So I wanted to write something today, although I didn't know what. I have a lot of nervous energy leading up to my appointment Monday. I have been really relaxed lately but starting last night I had trouble going to sleep. So many thoughts rushing through my head at once... I was so tense and I felt like I just couldn't make the thoughts STOP. So I guess I am trying to get that all out here now!I

Wait for it, wait for it...

2009-01-08T20:48:00.000-06:00

So... I have a calendar and now finally I have actual appointments*. I go Monday at 8am for my first scan to check for cysts. I may be crazy, but I am excited. And a little anxious. After the last time and all the fluid in my uterus and no one knowing what was causing it or how to get rid of it, I really don't know what to expect at all. (I can't remember if I even posted anything about how last

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T22:30:00.000-06:00

Dear God,Please let this be our special year. Please, God, bless us with the gift of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby (or babies).Amen.*******************Dear 2009,Please be our year even though I don't love odd numbers. It is nothing against you number nine, I just have a thing for evens like the number four. I heart four, but will heart nine if it can be our turn ;-). Smooches 2009.

I think I might be on the naughty list

2008-12-23T15:32:00.000-06:00

He's makin' a list,checkin' it twice,gonna find out who's naughty or nice.Santa Claus is coming to town.He's sees me when I'm talking,rudely on the phone.To the doctor's office,to the secretary who must live alone.She's always rude,no matter what I do,and then I feel like its my fault too.Why do I have to deal with this?I try to be so good,but then I get impatient.Cause I spend all of my life,

Approaching Road Block #1

2008-12-08T18:20:00.000-06:00

Well things were going to so smoothly. And you know it would be just too much for things to go right.It is really not THAT bad but it was certainly unexpected news that I got today. I called again to see about my schedule and talked to Nurse K. She said she was going to start making the embryologist start returning and fielding calls because he is the one who has to make everyone's scheules an is

I will survive, hey, hey

2008-12-05T21:13:00.000-06:00

Well, I have officially survived my 30th birthday. And hearing that my best friend from high school is pregnant with her second kid all in the same week (which of course she totally can't help and I am happy for her). Thirty was going to be rough no matter what, but that didn't really help. Luckily I didn't melt into a huge puddle on the floor and I survived. There were a few tears but I am

Treat Others as You Would Like to be Treated

2008-11-24T19:09:00.001-06:00

Did your mom or dad ever say that to you? I think I heard that a lot as a kid. But it is so true. Don't be rude, because is that how YOU want to be treated? Of course not. Don't talk about people because do YOU want people to talk about you? No, most people don't want anyone to think bad about them. Or at least I don't. This will be something I will certainly pass on to my children because I just

Yearly Exam? What the hell is THAT?

2008-11-17T22:12:00.000-06:00

So today I went in for my "annual" check up. Or that is what MOST of the girlies call it I suppose. I go to the doctor SO MUCH that I find that very funny in a entertaining way! When you are dealing with infertility these "normal" checkups seem so strange! At least to me! I am so used to doctors looking at me that I don't really get nervous and when I was driving away from the doctor this

Trying (but failing) to make a long story short

2008-11-16T00:17:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted anything else because I am having a hard time trying to come up with what happened between starting with Dr. H and until now. It is a long story, so many details that I don't remember at this point. So I think I am going to go with the short(er) version. I have 4 notebooks of medical crap that I could go through to decipher the timeline. But honestly, that is depressing and I

In the beginning...

2008-11-09T08:25:00.000-06:00

We started this journey in January 2004 when I stopped taking the pill. 6 months and no periods later, I was at the doc asking questions and reviewing my old med files. To my shock, he reminded me I have PCOS and an ultrasound confirmed it. After the shock and a call to my mom, she reminded me that I did know I had this, but had not cared so much about it when I found out at 18. Boy, I should

Gearing Up for Numero Dos

2008-11-05T13:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I had my first bloodwork done for IVF round number 2. Just getting that done has made my head spin. I have been fine over the past 5 months, carefree and more fun that I have been in quite some time if I do say so myself. And I have been looking forward to trying again, but just the first simple step has kinda overwhelmed me suddenly. I don't want this to consume my thoughts like

Am I a Newbie or Not?

2008-11-02T22:20:00.000-06:00

Well... hello. I am a newbie to the infertility blog world. But, unfortunately, I am not a newbie to the infertility world. I am starting this blog for lots of reasons. #1) Trying to de-lurk from all the IF blogs I read without commenting. There have been SOOOOO many post I have read that I can totally, absolutely, positively agree/sympathathize/empathize/relate to. Some I have read and